When psychiatrist Dr. Sue Varma was tapped to lead a mental health program for 9/11 survivors, she met a woman who had escaped the North Tower and suffered immense loss, but showed no signs of trauma. “I asked her, what’s your secret?” Dr. Varma recalls. “And she said, it’s my purpose.”
That moment launched a 15-year exploration into what makes people not just resilient, but able to thrive, even in the most challenging moments.
“Optimism is the secret,” Varma said in a recent conversation with CFW. “But not the naive kind. Practical optimism is what helps us navigate life’s challenges with clarity, purpose, and strength.”
Here are three ways to start building practical optimism, as fuel for success on your terms.
1. Start with Purpose, Even a Small One
“Your purpose today may not be the same as your purpose tomorrow,” Dr. Varma says. “If you can’t find a sense of purpose, it is your job to create it.”
She encourages people to populate their calendars with activities that bring pleasure, meaning, and joy. It could be as simple as tea with a friend, attending a networking event, volunteering, or starting a creative project.
2. Name It, Claim It, Tame It, Reframe It
Dr. Varma developed a four-part practice to help manage stress and negative thought patterns. “If you’re not managing your emotions, they’re going to manage you,” she says.
Here’s the breakdown:
- Name it: Identify what’s triggering your reaction.
- Claim it: Notice where you feel it in your body.
- Tame it: Use calming techniques like deep breathing or movement.
- Reframe it: Ask yourself, “How will I see this five years from now?” or “What would I tell a friend in this situation?”
3. Connect, Deeply and Often
“Connection is one of the most protective factors for mental health,” Dr. Varma says. One of her favorite reminders comes from an African proverb: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
She recommends making time for both everyday “micro-connections”, such as a quick chat with a neighbor or barista, and deeper, more intentional conversations. “Talk to strangers. Go deep with the people in your life. Be vulnerable,” she says.
Rethinking Success
When asked what “success on your terms” means to her, Dr. Varma didn’t point to job titles or milestones. Instead, she emphasized intention. “It doesn’t have to be anything that anyone else understands or agrees with or is glamorous,” she says. “Nor does your purpose have to come from your job or your paycheck.”
And when life gets hard, practical optimism offers a grounded way forward. “Optimism is a choice we make,” she says, especially in the face of uncertainty.”
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